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<\/a>. Medical Disclaimer: The information and recommendations on our site do not constitute a medical consultation. See a certified medical professional for diagnosis.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nAt\u00a0Safe Sleep Systems, we’re supported by our audience, and we thank you.\u00a0As a BetterHelp affiliate, we may receive compensation from BetterHelp if you purchase products or services through the links provided at no additional cost to you.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
This article has been reviewed for accuracy by John Cottrell, Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology<\/a>. Medical Disclaimer: The information and recommendations on our site do not constitute a medical consultation. See a certified medical professional for diagnosis.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
In this post, we'll cover:<\/p>\n
Going to your first-ever therapy session (or just your first session with a new therapist) can be very daunting for people. The thing in particular that scares people the most is that the attention will be entirely on them for the entire time. Something that may seem strange to people is how their therapist watches them during the session. So why does your therapist stare at you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You may first notice your therapist staring at you during an in-person (or face-to-face) therapy session since you\u2019re in the same room as them the whole time. Nonetheless, you\u2019ll want to know why your therapist is staring at you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Your therapist is most likely staring at you to show you that they listen to what you are saying. They learn to do something during their education in becoming a therapist and is known as \u201cactive listening.\u201d After they spend some more time with you, they will also start to mirror you, i.e., matching your body language and the speed and manner in which you talk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is something they do to help their client feel seen and understood, as this is vital to help them open up about their lives and the things that are bothering them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Another reason therapists do this is for the explicit reason of making you feel awkward or uncomfortable. You\u2019ll feel a natural need to fill an awkward silence and will be more likely to divulge information that your therapist can use to assess what your needs might be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Something that therapists also do when staring at you (and something we all do naturally and unconsciously) is watch your body language for extra clues as to what you might be feeling. Our body language often gives away far more about our thoughts and feelings than our words do since there isn\u2019t something filtering how they present themselves, unlike what our brain does when we are talking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So your therapist is staring at you, usually, your face or your hands, to see what other things they can pick up on that might help them gain a better understanding of you and your past experiences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lastly, your therapist may be staring at you, intending to form a bond with you. Babies do this all the time. They stare into the eyes of the people around them for long periods to feel connected to that person and play a significant developmental role in attachment and bonding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So your therapist could merely be staring at you to try to form a bond with you that would make you more comfortable being in their presence and telling them what is on your mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you use an online counseling service such as BetterHelp or Talkspace (read our comparison review here<\/a>), other factors play into why your therapist seems to be staring at you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now that we\u2019ve discussed why your therapist may be staring at you let\u2019s take a look at what you can do if their staring makes you uncomfortable or feel it isn\u2019t helpful during your session.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The first thing you should always do if something your therapist does makes you uncomfortable is to tell them about it. Telling them that their staring is making you uncomfortable will help them understand your needs better and help them adjust their approach.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It may be that holding an intense gaze is something that they do naturally or a habit that they have developed over the years and are unaware of, and your telling them will make them aware of that fact.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You\u2019ll be able to talk through why it makes you uncomfortable (perhaps you\u2019ll find something important there that you need to work on with them in a future session) and how they can change their approach to help you feel more comfortable. After all, the whole point of your session is to get you to open up, and if you don\u2019t feel comfortable, you\u2019re a lot less likely to do so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next thing that you can do is not to look at them. Just because your therapist is looking at you doesn\u2019t mean you have to look at them. You could find a spot on the wall behind them to look at, or if you would like to look at your therapist but find it hard to maintain eye contact, you could look at the tip of their nose or the spot between their eyebrows. They probably won\u2019t even be able to tell the difference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Alternatively, you may also be able to position yourself in such a way that even if your therapist does stare at you, you won\u2019t be able to see them. This could include turning your chair 90\u00b0 to face a different direction so that your line of sight doesn\u2019t include your therapist or lying on their couch (if they have one) so that they are diagonally behind you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If worst comes to worst and you cannot find an approach that works for you and your therapist, you may need to find a new one. This should be your last resort, and both you and your therapist should try to come to an agreement or a compromise before you start thinking about changing therapists.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It would be best if you talked to your current therapist when changing to a new one, first of all, to let them know that you want to stop seeing them, and secondly to get their opinion on other therapists they might recommend that would be suited to your needs. You could also consult with your GP to ask which therapists they would refer you to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you use online therapy services, the process of changing therapists is a lot easier than with in-person therapy, and you can usually change in a matter of hours, or a few days at most. Hopefully, it won\u2019t come to this, but if it does, you needn\u2019t be discouraged because there are many therapists out there, and you will be able to find someone you click with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Although the awareness surrounding mental health issues and the importance of going to therapy have increased in recent years, actually going to see a therapist can still be scary, especially when your therapist stares at you. However, we hope this article has helped you understand why your therapist stares at you and what you can do if this makes you feel uneasy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\nJohn Cottrell, Ph.D<\/strong>., is a\u00a0yoga instructor\u00a0and\u00a0certified yoga therapist\u00a0in Salt Lake City, Utah, USA. He has been teaching yoga since 2000. John is originally from Oakland, California, earning his\u00a0Master of Science and Ph.D. from\u00a0Pacific Graduate School of Psychology\u00a0in Palo Alto, California. His clinical practice led him to\u00a0child and adolescent psychotherapy,\u00a0drug and alcohol treatment, psychological and neuropsychological testing, and\u00a0group\/couples therapy. John continues his devotion to sharing health and well-being through his business,\u00a0mbody. He offers private and group yoga classes, yoga therapy, workshops, retreats, written yoga articles, and a men\u2019s yoga clothing line.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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