Below, I\u2019ll explain how to identify these things. I\u2019ll also detail what you can do to fix them or to help yourself recover. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In this post, we'll cover:<\/p>\n
- You Haven\u2019t Found the Right Therapist<\/a>
- You and Your Therapist Aren\u2019t Clicking<\/a><\/li>
- Your Therapist Doesn\u2019t Understand Your Needs<\/a><\/li>
- Your Therapist Doesn\u2019t Understand Your Point of View<\/a><\/li>
- Your Therapist Isn\u2019t Very Good<\/a><\/li>
- How To Find a Good Therapist<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li>
- You Haven\u2019t Found the Right Type of Therapy<\/a><\/li>
- You Haven\u2019t Given in to the Process<\/a>
- Your Expectations Are Off<\/a><\/li>
- You Aren\u2019t Being Vulnerable<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li>
- You\u2019re Processing Trauma<\/a>
- You\u2019re Reliving Your Trauma<\/a><\/li>
- You\u2019re Uncovering New Trauma<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li>
- You Aren\u2019t Feeling Your Feelings<\/a><\/li>
- Self Care After Therapy<\/a><\/li>
- Sources<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n
<\/span>You Haven\u2019t Found the Right Therapist<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Finding the right therapist is, in some ways, like finding the right hairdresser. Ideally, you want someone with experience and good training who knows how to work with your unique needs. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You need to be able to trust that they\u2019re telling you the truth, and they\u2019ll be honest when they tell you that giving yourself bangs after a breakup is a bad idea. You also want someone you feel comfortable with and can talk to. If you\u2019re leaving feeling frustrated or like they aren\u2019t listening to you, it may be time to find someone new. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>You and Your Therapist Aren\u2019t Clicking<\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Seeing a therapist isn\u2019t the same as seeing other kinds of specialists. If you\u2019re having issues with your heart health and you see a cardiologist, you aren\u2019t as worried about their bedside manner as you are with their expertise. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
With a therapist, you need someone who will put you at ease. Part of their job is to help you be vulnerable, but it\u2019s difficult to feel vulnerable if the person you\u2019re talking to is brusque or condescending. Even if you\u2019re seeing the nicest therapist in the world, if your personalities don\u2019t mesh, a session with them could leave you feeling frustrated or irritable. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>Your Therapist Doesn\u2019t Understand Your Needs<\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Like with therapies and treatments for the body, there are different specialties within therapy for the mind. Often, a therapist will have several different areas of expertise, but that doesn\u2019t mean that their expertise will fit your needs. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A person working their way through gender dysphoria wouldn\u2019t get as much help from a therapist specializing in divorce and family therapy as they might with a therapist specializing in LGBTQ+ issues. Likewise, someone seeking therapy after a divorce would want someone specializing in that, rather than a therapist specializing in grief or loss. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is especially true when seeking treatment for specific mental disorders, like eating disorders or PTSD, instead of generalized anxiety and depression. Even if their intentions are good, a therapist not trained in eating disorders could cause harm to their anorexic patient. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
While most therapists have at least had an overview of common disorders or concerns, a specific type of trauma or issue requires a specialist in that area. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>Your Therapist Doesn\u2019t Understand Your Point of View<\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Even if you don\u2019t need a specialist, you still want to find someone who understands how the things in your life have shaped you. The circumstances we\u2019re born into greatly influence our lived experience. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Someone born white has a different experience than a person of color. A woman has different experiences than a man. Someone who is trans has a different experience than someone who is cisgender. Someone born into poverty has a different experience than someone born wealthy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because of that, meeting with a therapist who is unable to acknowledge the way your circumstances have impacted your mental health can be frustrating. As a result, a woman may feel more understood by a female therapist, and a POC may feel more understood by another person of color. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That doesn\u2019t mean you need to find a therapist who is exactly like you. However, there may be things in your life that you know affect your mental health. Someone who has first-hand experience or is trained in those issues is better equipped to walk through them with you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>Your Therapist Isn\u2019t Very Good<\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Like any profession, there are good therapists, and there are bad therapists. I\u2019ve had my share of both, and I distinctly remember one therapist I didn\u2019t stay with long. I was explaining my history of eating disorders to her. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She then asked about my height and weight, checked her BMI chart, and told me she didn\u2019t understand because I wasn\u2019t \u201cthat overweight.\u201d I did not leave that session feeling any better. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you\u2019re wondering whether the problem lies with your therapist, there are red flags
![\"Opens](\"https:\/\/safesleepsystems.com\/wp-content\/themes\/acabado-6\/img\/extlink.png\" "\\"Opens")
<\/a> you can watch out for. A few of them include a therapist who: <\/p>\n\n\n\n- Doesn\u2019t listen or is constantly distracted in session <\/li>
- Makes you feel judged <\/li>
- Is pushy about their beliefs <\/li>
- Isn\u2019t respectful of your background or journey <\/li>
- Breaks confidentiality in a situation other than an emergency <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
If you decide that a therapist isn\u2019t right for you, you don\u2019t have to make a big deal of \u201cbreaking up\u201d with them. It\u2019s okay to cancel your appointment and let them know you aren\u2019t interested in rescheduling. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If they try to force an answer out of you, or if they\u2019ve otherwise overstepped their boundaries, you\u2019re within your right to report them if you so choose. The process varies by state, but if you search \u201c[Your state] report a therapist,\u201d you should be able to find resources. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>How To Find a Good Therapist<\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Whether you\u2019re just starting your therapy journey or looking to switch to a new provider, searching for a therapist can feel overwhelming. Luckily, there are several options
<\/a> to help guide you: <\/p>\n\n\n\n- Google it. <\/strong>For many of us, the first thing we do when looking for options is to turn to a search engine. Start by searching for something like \u201c[Your location] [Your main problem] therapist.\u201d The results often show reviews, the provider\u2019s phone number, and their website.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
- Use an online directory.<\/strong> Sites like GoodTherapy<\/a> and TherapyTribe<\/a> allow you to narrow your search by things like location, gender, specialty, and insurance policy. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
- Ask for a referral. <\/strong>Your primary care physician may be able to help connect you with therapists and therapy centers they\u2019ve worked with in the past. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
- Search your insurance database. <\/strong>Generally speaking, dealing with insurance is the worst. However, your insurance database can help find in-network local therapists and determine how much you may have to pay out of pocket. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
- Ask people you trust. <\/strong>This allows you to get the inside scoop on a therapist so you can get an idea if they might be the right fit. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
Whatever option you decide to utilize, always check with your insurance
<\/a> company to avoid any nasty surprises. A search for reviews is also worthwhile and could save you time in the long run. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<\/span>You Haven\u2019t Found the Right Type of Therapy<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
For many of us, when we think of \u201ctherapy,\u201d we think of laying back on a couch, staring at the ceiling as the therapist scribbles notes on their clipboard, and every so often asks, \u201cAnd how do you feel about that?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
While sitting and talking with a therapist is the most common form of psychotherapy, there are several others
<\/a>: <\/p>\n\n\n\n- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). <\/strong>This is a step up from basic therapy. In CBT, you and your therapist work together to identify patterns of thought and behavior and develop a plan on how to overcome them. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
- Interpersonal Psychotherapy (IP).<\/strong> This therapy deals with interpersonal problems<\/a> or conflicts. It\u2019s most commonly used for help with relationships, major life changes, and the loss of a loved one. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). <\/strong>The goal of this therapy is to help you see things from the perspective of others<\/a>. Therapists work to help their clients understand that two things that seem in direct contradiction of each other can co-exist in some form. DBT is meant to shift the client from an \u201ceither-or\u201d perspective to a \u201cboth-and\u201d perspective. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
- Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy. <\/strong>Based on Freud\u2019s research, this type of therapy is more intense than the ones listed above but slightly less intense than psychoanalysis. This therapy aims to use deep conversation to expose unconscious thoughts<\/a>. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).<\/strong> This type of therapy is a little different than the ones above. Primarily used for patients with PTSD<\/a>, it uses bilateral stimulation to lessen the negative emotions surrounding the traumatic event(s). Patients recall their trauma while the therapist uses sounds or motions in front of the patient\u2019s eyes to stimulate both sides of the brain. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
Your therapist may recommend one of these therapies for you based on your particular needs. If you feel like your therapy progress is plateauing, it\u2019s worthwhile to ask about a shift in the type of therapy to help you gain a new perspective. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
There are also forms of alternative therapy that are a little different from traditional forms. You may be able to find group therapy sessions that enable you to find a community of people who are working towards a goal themselves. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
For example, iPrevail<\/a> is a program well-suited for those who are looking for interactive classes, structured behavioral tools, and round-the-clock access to a therapist. It is also excellent for those on a budget.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>You Haven\u2019t Given in to the Process<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
There are times when therapy is less of an option and more an obligation. Parents might force their kids to go, or it could be court-ordered or part of a treatment program. But sometimes, even if we want to be there, we\u2019re not able to get in the right mindset. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>Your Expectations Are Off<\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Therapy can be wonderfully healing, but it\u2019s not an instant cure. For therapy to be effective, it takes time, dedication, and reflection. If you go to therapy expecting one session to cure your depression, you\u2019re setting yourself up for disappointment. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the same vein, if your therapist is using a program or method you\u2019re unfamiliar with, you may end up feeling caught off guard. After your initial visit, a good therapist should sit with you and explain what their plan is for your therapy based on your individual goals. If they don\u2019t, it\u2019s okay to speak up and ask. Knowing what to expect will help put you at ease for future sessions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>You Aren\u2019t Being Vulnerable<\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
You could have the best therapist in the world, but if you aren\u2019t willing to be open and honest with them, they can only help you so much. Vulnerability can be intensely uncomfortable for some of us. Frustratingly, the reason we struggle to be vulnerable may be the same reason that brought us to therapy in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There isn\u2019t a simple cure to help you become more vulnerable. The therapist has a part to play
<\/a> as well. They need to prove to you that you can trust them. It may help to start small and work your way toward the big things. If you\u2019re comfortable, you can also tell your therapist that you\u2019re struggling to be vulnerable, and they may be able to offer help with this. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<\/span>You\u2019re Processing Trauma<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes, we go to therapy because we\u2019re depressed or anxious. Sometimes we go to therapy because we have traumatic events in our lives. Sometimes it\u2019s both. Regardless, the intense emotions we feel during therapy can often make us feel worse after
<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<\/span>You\u2019re Reliving Your Trauma<\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Dealing with emotional trauma isn\u2019t all that different than dealing with physical trauma. Reliving your emotions for your therapist can take you to a dark place and be emotionally draining. If you\u2019ve had a particularly intense therapy session, it\u2019s no surprise that you might feel worse afterward. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>You\u2019re Uncovering New Trauma<\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Have you ever been speaking with your therapist, telling her a story from your childhood, only to watch their eyes grow wide and their jaw drop? If so, you know what it\u2019s like to discover that something you thought was normal growing up was actually not normal at all. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is often the case when we grow up in a dysfunctional home. The more you really examine your childhood, the more you may discover that the things that make for an amusing story were only possible because your parents were abusive or neglectful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This new insight may give you an \u201caha\u201d moment, but it can also make you bitter and angry. While your therapist may give you tools to cope with this new knowledge, sometimes you just need to process it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>You Aren\u2019t Feeling Your Feelings<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
I used to hate it when people told me to \u201cfeel my feelings.\u201d What was that supposed to mean? They\u2019re called feelings<\/em> for a reason. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As it turns out, when people tell you to feel your feelings, they mean to physically feel your emotions and allow yourself to process them. There are a few steps
<\/a> to this: <\/p>\n\n\n\n
- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).<\/strong> This type of therapy is a little different than the ones above. Primarily used for patients with PTSD
- Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy. <\/strong>Based on Freud\u2019s research, this type of therapy is more intense than the ones listed above but slightly less intense than psychoanalysis. This therapy aims to use deep conversation to expose unconscious thoughts
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). <\/strong>The goal of this therapy is to help you see things from the perspective of others
- Interpersonal Psychotherapy (IP).<\/strong> This therapy deals with interpersonal problems
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). <\/strong>This is a step up from basic therapy. In CBT, you and your therapist work together to identify patterns of thought and behavior and develop a plan on how to overcome them. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
- Ask people you trust. <\/strong>This allows you to get the inside scoop on a therapist so you can get an idea if they might be the right fit. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
- Search your insurance database. <\/strong>Generally speaking, dealing with insurance is the worst. However, your insurance database can help find in-network local therapists and determine how much you may have to pay out of pocket. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
- Ask for a referral. <\/strong>Your primary care physician may be able to help connect you with therapists and therapy centers they\u2019ve worked with in the past. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
- Use an online directory.<\/strong> Sites like GoodTherapy
- Google it. <\/strong>For many of us, the first thing we do when looking for options is to turn to a search engine. Start by searching for something like \u201c[Your location] [Your main problem] therapist.\u201d The results often show reviews, the provider\u2019s phone number, and their website.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
