Therapy Doesn’t Work For You? 🧑‍⚕️ Here’s Why

Going to therapy is a big step that takes a lot of courage for many people, so it’s highly frustrating when it doesn’t seem to be working. You’re certainly not alone if you feel like it’s not working for you, and there are many reasons to consider.

Therapy doesn’t work for you if your therapist is not the right fit. It might also not work for you if you’re still new to it. When you first begin, you will most likely be bringing up a lot of negative feelings and emotions, so it’s natural to feel like it’s not working initially.

There are other reasons why therapy might not be working for you, and I’ll discuss them in this article. Be sure to keep reading if you want to learn more.

Reasons Why Therapy Doesn’t Always Work

Approximately 9.5% of American adults received a form of therapy or counseling in 2019, so it’s only natural that some of these people would run into issues.

There are several factors to consider when figuring out why therapy isn’t working out. It can also be frustrating when you hear of other people’s success with therapy, but it doesn’t seem to be helping you in the slightest.

Here are some of the most common reasons why therapy doesn’t always work:

You may have the wrong therapist
You haven’t given it enough time
You may not be opening up enough
You’re possibly not putting in enough effort
You haven’t set any goals
The cost of therapy could be making you resentful
You went in with preconceived ideas
You may need more than therapy

One of the reasons mentioned above could be why therapy isn’t working for you, or it could be multiple reasons. Let’s take a closer look at each of them below:

You May Have The Wrong Therapist

There are over 106,000 psychologists in the United States, so some are bound to have different strategies and techniques. Since every person is unique, not every therapist will work for every client.

Sometimes, it’s a matter of trial and error until you find the right fit. For example, you may be going to therapy because of your anxiety. If you go to a therapist who specializes in helping victims of narcissism, they may not be capable of assisting you in the same way that an anxiety therapist could.

Alternatively, you may feel like your personality clashes with your therapist’s. Maybe you’re looking for a personable therapist who listens closely to what you say. If your therapist makes you feel uncomfortable or doesn’t seem to listen properly to what you’re saying, you may have to find a new one.

You Haven’t Given It Enough Time

If it’s your very first time in therapy, it can be daunting. You’ll likely be bringing up negative memories and emotions for the first few sessions, so it’s only natural to feel down for a while.

It’s not good to go into therapy thinking it’ll solve all your problems in one session. For many people, it can take months for therapy to start having a positive impact. According to the American Psychological Association’s research, approximately 15-20 sessions are needed for 50% of patients to succeed in therapy.

The therapist needs to get to the root of your problem, so, unfortunately, it’s necessary to bring up all your negative emotions and trauma in the first sessions. However, once everything is out in the open, you’ll see that it gets easier.

Therapy isn’t an instant cure; it takes time and dedication. It’s good to remind yourself of this and remember that patience and perseverance are vital.

You May Not Be Opening Up Enough

The only way therapy will genuinely work is if you lay everything on the table. It would be best if you didn’t keep anything bottled up because it defeats the purpose of therapy. Your therapist can only help you if they know everything that’s bothering you.

It may not even be a case of you purposely hiding emotions from your therapist. You might feel certain things during the week and then forget about them when you’re in therapy.

An excellent way to deal with this issue is to keep a journal of your emotions. It will make the sessions flow more easily and give you and your therapist something to work off.

If you’re scared or embarrassed about disclosing certain things, that’s completely normal. All therapists are trained professionals, and a reliable therapist will never judge you or make you feel embarrassed.

If you are taking sessions with the right therapist, they have likely seen many clients who have similar issues to yours before.

You’re Possibly Not Putting in Enough Effort

Therapy goes both ways; your therapist needs to put the work in, but so do you. Some people assume that they can sit in a therapist’s office, have a rant, and then their problems will be solved. This method may work for some people, but it won’t work for most.

Putting in effort means to:

Always show up to sessions on time
Take your therapist’s advice and try to use it
Communicate with your therapist if you feel it’s not working
Keep track of your progress and discuss with your therapist

If you feel like you are putting in a lot of effort but still aren’t feeling any better, therapy likely isn’t working for you for a different reason.

You Haven’t Set Any Goals

Setting goals is imperative if you want to get the most out of therapy. If you don’t set realistic goals, you’ll be more likely to get disappointed when things don’t work out.

For example, you shouldn’t tell yourself that you want to be ‘cured’ by the end of the first month if you’re dealing with severe issues. Not only is this unrealistic, but you’ll be disappointed and likely frustrated when you realize that you don’t feel better by the time you’d planned.

If you’re unsure what the most appropriate and realistic goals are, you should discuss them with your therapist. Any good therapist would be happy to assist you in determining what your goals should be.

If you haven’t set any goals at all and aren’t sure what you want to get out of therapy, there’s a chance that it won’t work well for you. If you have a goal, it gives you something to work towards, making therapy work well.

The Cost of Therapy Could Be Making You Resentful

It’s no secret that therapy is expensive, with the average session costing between $100 and $200. Even if the therapy is working, you may be so resentful about the cost that it doesn’t even feel worth it.

You could try other more affordable options if you start feeling like you want to get more for your money. Subscriptions like IPrevail offer plans that you must pay for, but you get unlimited assistance and guidance, compared to therapy, where you only get an hour-long session at a time.

The reality is that all qualified therapists have undergone years of education to get where they are today. They’re highly skilled psychologists who know the ins and outs of the human mind, which is why the cost is so high.

But if you’re open to therapy for a lower cost with people who aren’t trained professionals, you should consider options like IPrevail.

You Went In With Preconceived Ideas

You may have assumed that therapy would work for you instantly, so it can be a letdown when that’s not the case. Many people think they can sit down, talk for an hour, and walk out feeling better. It is usually never the case, and in fact, many people tend to feel worse after the first few sessions.

It is essential to have an open mind when going into therapy. If you think that your preconceived ideas of what therapy should be are the reasons why it’s not working for you, you should talk to your therapist about realistic expectations.

The reality is that therapy isn’t always an easy and quick process. If you don’t know how long it’ll take to get better, or if you’re worried it’ll take too long, you can discuss this with your therapist. The therapist may not be able to help you until they’ve gotten to know you more after a few sessions, but they should be able to help with this once they know more about you.

You May Need More Than Therapy

If you have addressed all the issues mentioned above but still feel like you’re not getting anywhere with therapy, you may need extra help. There’s no need to be ashamed if therapy isn’t working as well as you’d hoped because it’s pretty standard for this to happen.

Many people require medication on top of therapy if they’re feeling particularly emotional, distressed, or depressed. The idea of going on medication can be daunting, but speaking to your therapist or doctor will quickly put your mind at ease.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), approximately one in 10 adults take some form of antidepressant. It means that you don’t have to feel alone. Medication and therapy can work well for many people, so you must be open to when your therapist suggests this route if things don’t improve with time.

How To Tell Your Therapist That Therapy Isn’t Working

If you feel like therapy isn’t working, you need to be completely open and honest with your therapist. Tell them straight away precisely how you feel, and allow them to give you their advice or thoughts. They may even be able to offer a solution if you’re willing to give it a try.

You may feel awkward, guilty, or ashamed if you tell your therapist that it isn’t working out, but there’s no need to feel this way. Your therapist has likely had this same conversation with many other clients, and it’s not your fault you feel this way.

Before telling your therapist you want to end the sessions for good, you should be sure you have addressed all the issues discussed earlier in this article. You also shouldn’t give up on therapy if you’ve only had a handful of sessions.

It helps to remember that even if the therapy worked quickly for a relative or friend, that doesn’t mean it’ll be the same for you. Discuss how you feel openly with your therapist, and they’ll be able to guide you on the best course of action.

Alternatives to Therapy

If it’s been months, and you feel like therapy isn’t for you, there are other things you could try to improve your mental health.

Some practical alternatives to therapy include:

Reading self-help books. There are so many self-help books to choose from nowadays. Bohdi Sanders Ph.D. The Art of Inner Peace (available on Amazon) is an example of a book that focuses on inner peace and acceptance.

The Art of Inner Peace: The Law of Attraction for Inner Peace Opens in a new tab.

Sanders, Bohdi (Author)
English (Publication Language)
242 Pages - 10/14/2021 (Publication Date) - Kaizen Quest (Publisher)

Last update on 2024-04-10 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API

If you don’t like the idea of reading self-help books, reading any book you enjoy is a great way to decompress and destress.

Getting massages. There’s nothing quite as relaxing as a good massage. Not only does it feel physically good, but it’s also good for your mental wellbeing. Massages have a calming effect on the body, so they’re worth a try if you’ve never had one.

Doing yoga. It is good for the mind, body, and soul. According to an article from Harvard Medical School, yoga can put you in a better mood and decrease anxiety due to a brain chemical called gamma-aminobutyric acid that gets released during a yoga session.

Going to the gym. Lifting weights and walking or running on a treadmill are great ways to release bottled feelings while keeping you healthy and strong. If you have a healthy body, your mind is more likely to follow suit.

Taking long walks. It might help if you started taking long walks in the local park or wherever your favorite place is. There’s nothing quite like breathing in the fresh air on a peaceful walk.

You could also put on a podcast or some music if you want, or you may prefer to take in the sounds of nature.

Taking a break from social media. There is plenty of evidence that suggests social media is a driver for anxiety and depression. That’s not to say that everyone who experiences anxiety and depression should stop using social media.

But if you feel like it may be part of the reason why you’re feeling down, you should consider taking a break from it.

How Long Does Therapy Take to Work?

Therapy can take a few weeks to a few months to work properly. The exact amount of time it takes to work will depend on why you want to seek therapy and your overall goals. Generally, it shouldn’t take more than a few months to see positive results.

Here are some of the main things that determine how long therapy can take to work:

The reason you’re seeking therapy. If you’re seeking therapy for a mild case of anxiety, for example, it may only take a few sessions to start seeing positive results. Note that it may also depend on the cause of anxiety.

However, if you’re seeking therapy for trauma-related to negative experiences in childhood that manifest into adulthood, it’ll likely take months to see results.

Your goals. Your goals may range from easily achievable to more challenging to achieve. If you have severe anxiety and want to get entirely better, you’re looking at months of therapy. Be prepared to spend a lot of time on therapy if your goals are vast.

How often you see your therapist. If you see your therapist frequently, it may not take as long to see results. However, if you only have time to see your therapist once every two or three months, it may take longer.

Your mindset. If you go into therapy expecting it not to work, it’ll undoubtedly take longer to see results. But if you go in with a healthy, positive mindset, it won’t take as long.

It’s not always easy to have a positive attitude about therapy, but it’s good to try and focus on the positives if you want to see results as quickly as possible.

If you want to get an idea of how long therapy will take to work for you, you should speak with your therapist. The best way to do this is to tell them why you’re there and what your end goal is. After a few sessions, your therapist will likely have a good idea of how long it might take.

Conclusion

There are many reasons why therapy might not be working for you. You may not have given it enough time, your therapist might not be the right fit, or you may not have set realistic goals. Or it could be that therapy isn’t enough for you.

Trying things like reading, going on long walks, and getting massages are all great alternatives to clear your mind.

The most important thing is to talk to your therapist about your concerns. Any good therapist will want to hear your concerns and give you the best advice to lead you in the right direction.

Sources

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